Lost Among Life

For the better part of two years, maybe more I have been struggling with depression. It’s never been terrible to the point where I cannot write, but for the past seven to ten months… it has. I have had writer’s block in the past but this is something new all together. And only on rare occasions do I get an insight into my mind guiding me to write something.

I have started to say my depression and my inability to write is because I am unbalanced. I am not one with myself.

.    .    .

There is a hundred and eighty-five days before my 20th birthday. From now till then I am hoping with every ounce of my desperation, I become balanced. My self again. But what me will be there when I am balanced? I haven’t known myself that when I look into a mirror, what’s recognizable is a shell. This physical being people see and touch.

The personality. The soul. My essence. I am not familiar with this part of me. It’s been so long since we’ve known each other. She is hiding from me. And I guess, I have to find her like other people try to find themselves.

Which brings me to my next question. How in the hell do I find something I cannot see? Do I read a book or a multitude of books? If so, what genre? What author? Do I drop everything and everyone and go out on a quest? And if that’s the case; I’ll be lost the rest of my life because I do not have the money to travel. Do I write until I find myself in my writing? Or pray to a God I do not trust?

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14 thoughts on “Lost Among Life

  1. I heard a piece of advise once which was ‘write through the block’. Even if you’re just writing ‘I can’t write’ over and over again, it can help to clear out the cobwebs and get things flowing again. I’d also say to keep reading, and read a wide, diverse range of books because you’ll be surprised where you’ll find something that jumps out at you.
    Most of all, just take it one step at a time. Celebrate the small victories and don’t beat yourself up about the bad days. As long as you’re putting one foot in front of the other then you’re achieving something.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I struggle with depression as well. It is hard. There is no cookie cutter way to describe it. I would tell you to keep writing. Write whatever is in your head. Whether you write on paper or on the blog. Just write. You can also try writing down all the good things going on in your life at the moment and reflect on that. Reading books can help, but like you said what books? Well it’s up to you. If you like fiction then read fiction. If you like other genres then read other genres. Praying helps some people and pray to whatever God you do trust.

    Liked by 1 person

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